Israeli Chronicles — Connecting Israel & Cincinnati
Guest Post: “We Got Married Twice” by Amit Morag
This guest post is by my husband, Amit. You can find more Cincinnati-linked stories on Israeli marriage difficulties here, great background here, and the perspective of our Federation CEO, Shep Englander, here. —Maia
We got married twice. Neither of us re-proposed after 25 great years of marriage for a Silver wedding. We got married twice. Our weddings were on consecutive days. Yes, two wedding dresses and suits, two blessings, two broken glasses. Just to be clear—this is extremely not the custom in Israel! (We don’t have a wedding rehearsal tradition.)
We got married twice. The first wedding was in my wife’s parent’s backyard with only our immediate family and closest friends with a Rabbinate rabbi. The second wedding, on the following day, was our “real” wedding, our anniversary date, with over 400 guests and with a Conservative rabbi that we knew from our three previous meetings, in which we’d learned together about the ceremony, the blessings, and a bit about ourselves.
Why then did we need to have these two weddings? Sadly, we had only one explanation, the worst kind of reasoning to make any life decision—FEAR, sheer fear.
We feared the consequences of not being formally recognized by the State. Will we be eligible for tax benefits as a married couple? What will happen in case of medical emergencies? Will the inheritance laws be in our favor? But most importantly, will our kids be subject to problems, officially listing them as ours, or even later on in life, will they be able to get married as they choose. Most terrifying of all was the question: will they be considered bastards? There were a lot more issues and questions we did not know the answer to regarding our work place, IDF, moving/living abroad, divorce, liability in unpleasant scenarios and many more, civic, legal and personal issues.
If we would have known then what we know today, we would defiantly have only one marriage ceremony. The one we wanted, of course and not the one imposed on us.
After a few years of marriage, life circumstances introduced me to Havaya, a non-religious life ceremony institute (NGO) that facilitates life ceremonies such as bar/bat mitzvahs and weddings, but also birth and burial ceremonies. After a comprehensive course, I started to work with bar/bat mitzvah teenagers and their families, and not too long after, I started to work with soon-to-be-married couples, preparing their unique, Jewish oriented wedding ceremony, which I eventually performed.
As an Israeli, now knowing the difficulties and the impossible and unjust situation we face, I feel an extraordinary sense of mission, and a huge mitzvah, to assist any loving couple to get married in their State, even if their State doesn’t want to acknowledge their marriage, or just if they do not want to play to the hands of the Rabbinate.
